Top 10 Parenting Phrases That Have Come Out of My Mouth

No somersaults in the bathtub.
…because the dog is human, too.
Treat your sister like you would your bike!
Take the golf club out of the toilet.
Take your foot out of your mouth.
Stop putting spells on the gate.
The dog DOES NOT need hair gel.
"Clean" does not mean rinse it in the toilet.
…because your brother’s arm is not a pretzel.
That army guy screams every time I step on him.

And what list would be complete if I didn’t say:
….because I said so!

The craziness is not only that I have uttered those words, it's also in the fact that they made perfect sense to the people that I was uttering them to.