The Flu

Been sick with the flu this week, spent most of it on my back on the couch or on my back in bed.

When you’re really sick, nothing matters, the kids, your spouse nothing. It’s kinda like being in labor. The intensity causes me to go into myself at the expense of everything else. As a mother, these moments are, in hindsight, a God-send. For a day or sometimes days on end, I am released of all planning, thinking, guilting, fear, and angst. It's a very strange place to be.

On Thursday, the flu showed its dominance and getting out of bed needed to include a strong desire to pee or an even stronger desire for one more layer to put on. I was going to die before my 2:00 doctor’s appointment. When I got dressed for the appointment, I put on underwear, something I seldom wear. I was sure I was going to be admitted to the hospital with the first case of avion bird flu and didn’t want to be in one of those back viewing gowns with no underwear on.

“Your fever is 107,” the doctor said
“See, I'm dying.” I thought
“It’s the flu.” she said.
“I know” I said, “I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t dying or anything.”
“You won’t,” she said

At home, underwear off, I crawled back into bed, knowing I would sleep deep, relieved that I wouldn't have the distinction of being the first person in the US to get the bird flu.