Invisible Mother

“I made sure…I’ve exposed him to…I have planned for…,” those are the comments that struck me as I read the publisher’s page in the latest edition of BE (Black Enterprise) written by the powerful and driven Earl Graves, Sr.

He has officially handed over his seat to his son, Butch, and like any father would be, he is beside himself with glee, pride and joy that his corporation will be run by a second generation.

I am completely angered by Earl Graves, Sr proclamations, “I made sure, I’ve exposed him to, I have planned for…” What was his wife of 41 years doing during all this exposing and planning, eating bon-bons?

Hmmm, I don’t think so.

While Earl Graves Sr. was building an empire, his wife was most likely building men.

Did Earl Graves Sr. take him to sports practice, or to school? Did he make breakfast, lunch and dinner, sit and listen to the endless, run on drivel that possesses boys from the age of 8 – 11? Did he get up with him, night after night, or worry about him when he was sick? Did he arrange for a babysitter when it came to attending all those important dinners?

Who made sure the homework was done to get Butch into Yale? In fact, who probably helped him with the application?

“I’ve exposed him…” Who exposed him? Who talked to Butch? Who explained things to him when his father was at work for all those long hours? Who soothed him after his first break up? Who explained to him what “nigger” meant?

Now, to be fair, I don’t know this family. Maybe he and his wife have some kind of arrangement. But I do know, in Mr. Earl Graves’ publisher’s notes, he took more credit than was due for raising his son.

Mrs. Earl Graves Sr. also raised Butch.

And, in my fury, I realize, it’s not about him or her really. It’s about the model that was just presented to the readers, a model of a strong man and his invisible wife. And suddenly I am fearful for mothers and feminism as a whole. This model was acceptable enough to print, acceptable enough for him to feel his readers will embrace, understand and support it. His view is acceptable enough to be seen as normal, and that leaves me bothered.